Dating & Economics

Dating costs money. Whether or not people are willing to admit it, there is a certain level of expense required to keep a relationship afloat. Operational costs in business terms. Keeping in mind I’m talking about a touchy topic for some, I’ll need to make a few things clear from the outset:

1. I’m a guy so I can’t write from a woman’s POV. So this piece will look at dating from a mainly male POV.

2. I’m writing this from a proper middle class financial position so there’s an aspect of having to manage your finances properly and budgeting. I’m sorry if this sounds classist, I’m not writing for the demographic that has fake american accents(I’m struggling not to say Kilimani, Westie and such places… oops. Granted they have their own dynamics, but I’m not in a position to speak on them.) and can just ask for money from their parents and they get it.

3. I am not here to even dare promote being stingy toward your girlfriend. If you can buy her what she wants, pay for dates and the like… Do it, fuck nigga!

Haya, let’s go. For the purposes of this piece we’ll need a few assumptions:

1. The couple is in campus/ any other tertiary education institution.

2. We need a ballpark figure for upkeep that makes sense. So we’ll use 4,000 shillings because the margin for variation is pretty small. And if there’s variation, more than half the time it’s usually downward not upward

3. There are no other events like a birthday or Valentine’s day.

4. The couple isn’t doing long distance so there are no major travel costs to factor in.

So you know how it goes. Boy meets girl, yada yada… And they finally date. This piece is just going to look at the financial dynamics. For purposes of the piece lets call the guy Morio and the girl Juliet. So boom, 4k imeingia kwa Morio’s account in the 1st week of a particular month. So as we have it, standing account ya Morio is at 4,000Kshs.

The 4K is meant to cover all his expenses for a particular month. So Morio analipia tokens kwanza. He doesn’t have appliances that need a lot of power, just a system and his phone and laptop. Angefix showerhead but that’s like 1K and it uses a lot of power. And anyway, he read somewhere cold showers raise the testosterone levels of a man, so it’s a win anyway. Anaweka 300 bob only to find himself with only 16 units. More than half of his money has covered ‘other costs’. He sighs and says “Ruto must go!” But at least he has power.

The next thing Morio needs to do is plan for food. Thankfully he has unga and rice in the house. So hesabu ni za protein na veggies. He sits to create a meal plan. 3 eggs zinafika 45 bob. Plus nyanya & kitunguu the total cost is 75. Ugali mayai 4 days a week totals 300 bob. His local mama wa kupika sells legumes from 70 bob and the plan is the rice and his legumes of choice 3 days a week. He remembers a time the mama used to sell for 50 bob. But the economy isn’t doing great… Ruto must go! That’s another 210. Maybe he’ll use another 50 for onions and tomatoes for the week. So in a week he’ll use 560. But Morio isn’t one to eat plain food. He buys 2 whole pieces of garlic at 30 bob per piece and ginger at 30 bob. These will have to find a way to stretch out until next month. So his food budget minus lunch for a month is at around 2,300… If all goes to plan, that is. Last month alikula chapati sana instead of cooking and he spent around 2,500-2,700. If all goes to plan he has 1,400 left to play around with.

Morio remembers Juliet is coming to visit. It’s been a long time since he cooked her chicken, he knows she loves it. One lege, two lege to the butcher’s. “Weka kuku ya mia mbili (200Kes)”, he says. Today his woman will eat well. On a normal day she usually eats fries or maybe beans, kamande or ndengu if he’s already cooked. He buys 2 Pall Mall menthol cigarettes (one goes for 15 bob) to smoke as he chefs up and walks back home. Today he can walk with his head held high. He has the pride that comes with being able to provide for his girlfriend. On most days, he’s had to do some mental math when his girlfriend asks for food, not because she wouldn’t understand or she would react badly, he just wants to make her happy. Whatever msupa wants, msupa gets. Today, he doesn’t have to worry. In fact, she loves a particular soda… He buys the 2L bottle to go down with the chicken and rice.(200 bob). On this particular day, he’s spent around 400 bob but it’s worth it. He loves the way she always gets excited when he serves her her plate. He already knows he’ll have to make the remaining 1,000 bob work an. He suspects she can tell when his money is low because she offers to buy her own fries quite a bit and it always seems to coincide with when he’s headed toward poverty. She even insists on buying him his own fries. Sometime she buys the fries and he buys the soda. They’ve always found a way to make shit work for them.

Morio thanks his lucky stars for giving him a woman who loves him like this. He remembers the one time he had to tell her her couldn’t buy her fries and the shame and guilt it came with. Not from her, no. From within himself, that inadequacy and helplessness triggered something in him. Disgust and self-deprecation. He’s supposed to provide! He’s never seen his dad fail to provide for his mom. He wants to be that for Juliet. He had once again disappointed someone. But not today. Today they will eat well and then will most likely have the kind of sex that would result in their guardian angels covering their eyes in shock and embarrassment.

He knows that 1,000 will run out eventually. He thanks his lucky stars him and his boys have cut down on the drinking. He wouldn’t have been able to handle their midweek benders and a girlfriend. He can go out once a month- twice if his parents send him money in the middle of the month. He’ll set aside money from his food budget for the za and cigs. Ugali mayai doesn’t necessarily need nyanya and kitunguu all the time. And if his girlfriend needs fries, then neither does the stew for the rice. Thank God he bought spices in bulk at the start of the semester.

How? Isn’t he supposed to be broke? He worked during his long holiday, he was paid peanuts but it was better than nothing. He’s already spent a healthy amount of his savings before the relationship, saa hii amebakisha thao. And if it doesn’t go according to plan, he’ll talk to his day one to extend him a loan which he’ll pay back. They do this all the damn time anyway, bouncing that debt around. They both trust each other to pay it back when they finally get the money to do it. He reminds himself that he has to start saving up for Valentines day and his girlfriend’s birthday. And their anniversary. He curses the creators of girlfriend’s day as he remembers he almost overlooked it too. And he has to take her on a proper date one of these days. So much to do, but little to no financial power. He sets aside these thoughts for now or else they will ruin his day. Being broke always ruins his fucking mood.

Morio gets to the metallic door of his bedsitter, his neighbor is blasting Northern Bypass music(see what I did there? Nairobi classicism jamani) and he hums along. His neighbor has played that song so much he now knows it word for word. He hears muffled noise and knows jirani is getting it on. He claps for his neighbor in his head knowing it’ll be his turn soon. He enters his house and takes out the shopping. His phone vibrates. “I’ll be at yours in an hour” reads the text. Just enough time for the chicken to marinate. After what seems like an eternity, he hears a knock. He opens the door and there she is. She hugs him and he smells her. Vanilla perfume mixed with her natural scent. It’s his own personal aphrodisiac and it works very effectively. She can attest. He kisses her and they head for the bed, one thing in both of their heads. They can never seem to get enough of each other. The damn chicken can wait. Even christian heaven can wait. He’s with his own personal heaven right now